“I’m Pregnant” (April fools!)

Dear Wabash Reader,

Those two words, “I’m pregnant” may be some of the scariest words ever heard by a poor college student. Of course, if that day is April Fools and he has a mischievous girlfriend, it’s possible that for five terrifying hours he might think he has become a father!

To quote the words of Dr. Lexi Hoerl in one of her illustrious tweets, “I’ve always thought of April Fool’s Day as a day that adds a great deal of unnecessary cruelty to the world. Alas, I’m one of the gullible.” It’s time’s like these that makes me wonder which is the worst crime, being gullible, or truly believing “gullible” is not in the dictionary.

I am currently hanging out on the 2nd floor of Martindale listening to Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble” blaring from the room down the hall. But honestly, I couldn’t be happier; not necessarily because I am a huge Taylor Swift fan, although her newest hit does not make me want to run to the nearest bathroom and cry my heart out. I am happy because I have time to enjoy the serenity of the day after Easter.

I am sure most people are not happy to have to come back to school so soon after being home with family and friends. However, there should be no shortage of things to do. Tomorrow the science students will be demonstrating a “physical phenomenon” at noon in Chadwick Court, Theta Delt will be holding a “Midnight Munch” pancake benefit on Wednesday from 9-11 pm, and of course, the second national act event will bring “Time Flies” to Wabash on Friday.

Finally, I have to say prayers of thanks for Kevin Ware, who is expected to recover within the year from his broken leg yesterday during the Louisville/Duke game. It it was by far the most horrific injury I have viewed on live television. I am glad he is okay and will be able to play again. I am also happy with my bracket, as I correctly predicted two teams (Syracuse and Louisville) to make the Final Four. We’ll see if Louisville proves me right and goes all the way!

Oh, and Brad Stevens took the coaching job at UCLA.

Respectfully,

Fabian

P.S.-If you believed that last comment, the trick is on you. April Fools!

About Fabian House

Self-proclaimed philosophist, philanthropist, and comedian. Fluent in one language. Enjoys spending time with friends and reading novels by Jane Austen.
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