Dr. Hollander gave a chapel talk today entitled “Don’t Pee in the Chapel”. The title of this chapel talk comes from a sign that Dr. Hollander saw in an elevator once that read “Don’t Urinate in the Elevator”. The essence of the talk revolved around the idea of “unspoken rules”: things that should not need rules, simply based on principle. Dr. Hollander breaks down 8 rules that should be unspoken for obvious reasons:
1.) Don’t touch the alligators. Dr. Hollander speaks of visiting the zoo in his childhood, and peering into the alligator exhibit. He asks his mother what a sign near the pit says and she states “don’t touch the alligators. Of course you should not touch the alligators, they are dangerous! This doesn’t need to be a rule!
2.) Don’t drop an f-bomb in an all-campus email. This is obvious to those of us who get Wabash emails. Recently, a student, in response to another student’s opinion, dropped an f-bomb on the “everyone” listserv that goes to, well, everyone. Students, faculty, staff, trustees, husbands and wives of the aforementioned. Everyone. As you may be able to tell, this is not the best idea.
3.) Don’t drive a snowblower on a roof. Think about what had to have transpired for a snow-blowing company to have to put this warning stamp on their snow-blowers. Someone thought it would have been a great idea to drive their snow-blower on their roof. What. What. Here’s a thread of people writing about this exact topic: https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/alt.home.repair/MS-I5lWNuHU
4.) Don’t do to other people what you wouldn’t have them do to you. Often called “The Golden Rule”, this has become hackneyed over the years, but I still think it holds significance. Treat others how you want to be treated. Duh. Dr. Hollander rounded this section out by talking about things happening that we may never think could happen. For instance: “How does a Jewish guy who’s into Asian chicks find an Asian chick who’s into Jewish guys?!”
5.) Don’t commit genocide. In this, Dr. Hollander talks about the Holocaust and the Geneva Conventions. He says that you should not have to have a rule set that includes “don’t commit genocide” because it should just be a given. Don’t commit genocide. The fact that posters like the one to the left exist says enough.
6.) Remove clothes before ironing. This is a warning that comes on irons. It means that you should not be wearing the clothes that you are attempting to iron. There should not be a thin layer of fabric between your skin and a hot iron. The fact that this needs to be a warning means that someone, somewhere tried to iron their clothes while they were still wearing those clothes.
7.) Employees must wash hands before returning to work. Here, Dr. Hollander speaks about how rules are not enforced equally to everyone. While employees must wash their hands before returning to work, patrons do not have to wash their hands (although they should; I’m looking at you Wabash guys). Dr. Hollander mentions that, on a road in which the posted speed limit is 65mph, he could get away with 75mph. A Wabash guy could probably only get away with 70 (we’re young males), someone who’s black may not get away with doing anything over the speed limit (discrimination still exists, folks), while someone who is extraordinary pretty may get away with doing 80. These rules are not enforced equally.
8.). Always be a gentlemen and a responsible citizen. Dr. Hollander harps on our Gentleman’s Rule: the only rule we have on campus. The Gentleman’s Rule is an amalgamation of thousands of rules, and we follow all of them on a daily basis. While these thousands of rules are unspoken and unwritten, the Gentlemen’s Rule embodies them in such a way that does not require them to be legislated. Just because something is not expressly forbidden, does not mean that it is condonable. For instance, peeing in the chapel.